Drizzled with sizzling techno
“It’s Christmas time and there’s no need to be afraid”, goes the song. Thing is, it’s when our loose cannon of columnist is at his most dangerous…
Madchester
A man who can’t understand that disco biscuits and chocolate biscuits aren’t quite the same thing, our… what’s that? He’s done it again, hasn’t he?
A Dog Ate My Fingers
Like a Rat up drainpipe, our columnist is as naked as a Jaybird and proud as a Peacock… he’s a sitting Duck. let sleeping Dogs lie. look, it’s complicated
Walrus Bum
Catching him in a reflective mood, which is usually just after the nurse has visited, our columnist has another hair-brained theory he’d like to share
I’ve licked a stack of synths
The thing is, we like to keep our columnist away from actual real people for reasons that will become obvious the more of his work you read…
Twiglet fingers
The intro goes here, it runs over three lines and should gently undermine the confidence of our columnist… what? We’ve not written an intro? gah
Smite the Keytar
Back once again with the ill behaviour, our loose cannon of a columnist will give today’s sermon…
Bloblique Blategies
Do not, under any circumtances, feed our mildly dangerous columnist magic mushrooms. He can’t even take regular ones without getting off his nut. People, run for your lives, no one is safe…
Wax Emissions
Our esteemed columnist eats too much cheese before bed (again) and lucky for us he writes down all his dreams. This is the only one we can print without having him arrested…
Porkies Again
We really do try to keep him away from the “special” water. In this issue, the truth about bestselling albums. we are sorry