Banging On

You’ve found him! Our so-called columnist has moved. He is now officially the sport pages of electronic music. New home, same level of delusion…

There would come a day, inevitably, when our so-called columnist would tip himself over the edge. That day has come, he has finally lost it and what broke him? Cattle. CATTLE!

When our so-called columnist gets ideas above his station, we hang him upside down in the stationery cupboard for a bit. We forgot we’d put him there this month. He went a bit odd, can you spot the difference?

We’ve spent this month hiding all manner of computers, pens and stone tablets, but somehow he still managed to cough up a column. Come to think of it, did he actually write this? Even we don’t know anymore…

Our so-called columnist walks an ever-decreasing fine line between having a job and, well, how to put this? not having a job. Here he wins our Annual first mention of Xmas competition, by some distance…

If our columnist had a time machine and went to 1988 and we pulled the plug out, accidentally, it would only take him 30 years to walk home from the past. Oh look, here he comes now…

Welcome to the the official sports pages of electronic music. Going where no man has gone before, eh? If he’s not careful our unhinged columnist will be queuing up where lots of people have been before – the dole office

All aboard for another wild wordy ride with our, what do call it? Oh yes, columnist. There are sick bags under your seats should they be required

Blah blah blah, part-time columnist blah blah filing copy late blah blah rattling on about something or other blah blah haven’t really read it blah blah is it any good this month?

Say there was someone, and He (or she) was sending us weird rambling emails And despite asking, he (or she) wouldn’t stop. We should call the police, Right? Anyway, here’s whatshisface