Ask An Imaginary Rabbit
Living the dream, that’s our Fats. He woke up from one the other night where he had a some great ideas about how to land a Number One the easy way. Just like THE KLF. Sort of. Desperation or blind faith, you choose
Music I Farted Out
Our esteemed columnist wonders why it is he isn’t more famous, musically speaking. We whistle, scuff the dirt and look in the other direction
I Bought A Drum Machine
Spread some festive cheer we said. “I’ve bought a drum machine,” he said
Hegemony Of Beige
LISTS, LISTS and more LISTS. We’re drawing mighty close to that time of year. But our Fats has had enough already. He will 1) Not make any lists this year 2) Or maybe he will… 3) What? Oh…
Golden Fields Of Vegan Wheat
Oh, the folly of the rich and famous. Imagine if our lot got on a Morrissey I-can-write-a-novel kick… we stare off into the distance all wistful, like, and imagine such things…
No More Nails
Our resident columnist is back from his stint at the Edinburgh Festival. We reckon you ought to be seeing him on ‘Mock The Week’ any day now. In the meantime, he’s demanding a pay rise and going on about Aphex Twin again
Tesco Value Headphones
Our potentially award-winning columnist is not easily impressed. He is, in fact, easily unimpressed. Ask him about DJs these days. Go on, ask him and see what happens. And yes, that is prune juice on his cardigan
Kraftwerk Badger Spaceship
Our erstwhile columnist has been let out to play. He’s treading the boards at the Edinburgh Fringe. Brace yourselves because he’s fretting. And when he frets, there’s generally Windowlene involved
Eating Shampoo
Our award-winning columnist tackles the age-old problem of, well, of age and being old. More specifically, being one of those really sad old people who still goes to gigs. Don’t worry, you’re in good company. Fats knows your pain
Minced Beef Tina Turner
Our resident columnist has a problem with Falk Grieffenhagen. That’s him out of Kraftwerk, that is. He’s like the new money version of Florian Schneider. Or something