Banging On

Blah blah blah, part-time columnist blah blah filing copy late blah blah rattling on about something or other blah blah haven’t really read it blah blah is it any good this month?

Say there was someone, and He (or she) was sending us weird rambling emails And despite asking, he (or she) wouldn’t stop. We should call the police, Right? Anyway, here’s whatshisface

It had to happen, our wotnot columnist person has been unleashed, let into the real world to talk out loud. To other people. Maybe you should go see him. We can’t, we’re washing the office that day

Deluded, misguided, ill-informed, flawed, confused, and for the most part, barking up the wrong tree. Oh, sorry Fats, opened A letter addressed to you by mistake. It’s from your doctor…

Starting 2018 as he means to go on, Our columinst has been working hard on his late copy excuses. This month: “my column is late, I ate the dog”

“It’s Christmas time and there’s no need to be afraid”, goes the song. Thing is, it’s when our loose cannon of columnist is at his most dangerous…

A man who can’t understand that disco biscuits and chocolate biscuits aren’t quite the same thing, our… what’s that? He’s done it again, hasn’t he?

Like a Rat up drainpipe, our columnist is as naked as a Jaybird and proud as a Peacock… he’s a sitting Duck. let sleeping Dogs lie. look, it’s complicated

Catching him in a reflective mood, which is usually just after the nurse has visited, our columnist has another hair-brained theory he’d like to share

The thing is, we like to keep our columnist away from actual real people for reasons that will become obvious the more of his work you read…