My Gym Has An Ambient Room
He’s a big man and he’s out of shape. Sleep soundly dear reader
Television, Drug of the Nation
A television set has many names. We put a strong case for idiot box being our favourite
Music Is Not Real
He asked if he could write “proper stuff”. “You know, about history and that,” he said
Thou Shalt Not Twist Thy Neighbours Melon
We think he might have started having lockdown fever dreams. Get a priest…
The Actual Best Electronic Music Tracks of Actual All-Time
Here’s the latest from his nice “room”, you know, with the padded walls
How To Have A Number One
Our so-called columnist explains how you, yes you, can have a Number One hit. We pay him for this.
Moog Launderette
Events have taken a strange turn, but events are always strange when our loose screw columnist is in the house
My Lego Roland Orzabal
The Lego he’s been ordering lately has got a little out of hand
2020: My Predictions
A kazoo, cool sunglasses and a hard-boiled egg
The 2010s According To Me
How do we sum up the last 10 years? “Ask Fats,” someone suggested. We wish we hadn’t…