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Caveman

We’ve spent this month hiding all manner of computers, pens and stone tablets, but somehow he still managed to cough up a column. Come to think of it, did he actually write this? Even we don’t know anymore…
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12-Chinned Janet

We would like to apologise to Fatboy Slim, Christopher Walken, 12-Chinned Janet, the entire population of Hull, and funk soul brothers everywhere
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I ate the dog

Starting 2018 as he means to go on, Our columinst has been working hard on his late copy excuses. This month: “my column is late, I ate the dog”
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Hegemony Of Beige

LISTS, LISTS and more LISTS. We’re drawing mighty close to that time of year. But our Fats has had enough already. He will 1) Not make any lists this year 2) Or maybe he will… 3) What? Oh…
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Charly

Posh toffs and banjos? King Charles III raving it up?? Looks like our wayward columnist has finally gone royally mad