Right in the Peepers

If you find yourself standing next to our professed columnist at a gig – trust us, you’ll know – we’d advise you to calmly sidle away…

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Amoeba blobby thing

When our so-called columnist gets ideas above his station, we hang him upside down in the stationery cupboard for a bit. We forgot we’d put him there this month. He went a bit odd, can you spot the difference?