Right in the Peepers

When our so-called columnist gets ideas above his station, we hang him upside down in the stationery cupboard for a bit. We forgot we’d put him there this month. He went a bit odd, can you spot the difference?

Codpieces, pointy bras, Kraftwerk with muskets… he thinks he’s in a period drama. Don’t worry, it’ll pass. Just try not to look him in the eye

He turns up each month waving paper with words on insisting he’s a columnist. We think he might be lost.

Our award-winning columnist tackles the age-old problem of, well, of age and being old. More specifically, being one of those really sad old people who still goes to gigs. Don’t worry, you’re in good company. Fats knows your pain

We really do try to keep him away from the “special” water. In this issue, the truth about bestselling albums. we are sorry