I Am So Very Good At Kicksporting Football Soccer

We think he might have started having lockdown fever dreams. Get a priest…

Our so-called columnist explains how you, yes you, can have a Number One hit. We pay him for this.

Our erstwhile columnist has been let out to play. He’s treading the boards at the Edinburgh Fringe. Brace yourselves because he’s fretting. And when he frets, there’s generally Windowlene involved

Our award-winning columnist tackles the age-old problem of, well, of age and being old. More specifically, being one of those really sad old people who still goes to gigs. Don’t worry, you’re in good company. Fats knows your pain

Spread some festive cheer we said. “I’ve bought a drum machine,” he said

Our resident columnist is back from his stint at the Edinburgh Festival. We reckon you ought to be seeing him on ‘Mock The Week’ any day now. In the meantime, he’s demanding a pay rise and going on about Aphex Twin again