I’ve licked a stack of synths
The thing is, we like to keep our columnist away from actual real people for reasons that will become obvious the more of his work you read…
Twiglet fingers
The intro goes here, it runs over three lines and should gently undermine the confidence of our columnist… what? We’ve not written an intro? gah
Smite the Keytar
Back once again with the ill behaviour, our loose cannon of a columnist will give today’s sermon…
Bloblique Blategies
Do not, under any circumtances, feed our mildly dangerous columnist magic mushrooms. He can’t even take regular ones without getting off his nut. People, run for your lives, no one is safe…
Wax Emissions
Our esteemed columnist eats too much cheese before bed (again) and lucky for us he writes down all his dreams. This is the only one we can print without having him arrested…
Porkies Again
We really do try to keep him away from the “special” water. In this issue, the truth about bestselling albums. we are sorry
Steaming Brown Hurricane
In order to protect himself from the cruel world out there, our resident loose cannon, erm, columnist, has a genius plan… sigh
Smoking Sherbet Dips
Just a usual day at the office. our columnist has one of his school days flashbacks, and we’re on the phone to the lawyers… again
Men in White Coats
Hang on… we’re just calling the men in white coats. Our esteemed columnist needs his injection and that nice coat with the sleeves round the back. “Hello? Yes, ambulance again please, and hurry…”
Tazered Travolta
Turns out our resident columnist also enjoys throwing shapes on the dancefloor. You should see him do the fandango. Very, very frightening