Guitars Made of Digital
High on powdered chocolate, again, our resident columnist Fat Roland attempts to explain why florists called Clint are essential for synth construction…
Chips. Cheese. Things. Words
We’re a little bit worried about Fat Roland, our resident columnist. This month, despite promising he wouldn’t keep taking the tablets, he’s talking about his BRIAN ENO HOT PANTS again
Timmy Mallett, Tony the Tiger, Jesus
Our resident columnist Fat Roland remembers the time he met one of the guys from Orbital, his all-time favourite band. Except he doesn't actually remember it because his brain was full of drugs, absinthe and, er, farm animals
Ask An Imaginary Rabbit
Living the dream, that’s our Fats. He woke up from one the other night where he had a some great ideas about how to land a Number One the easy way. Just like THE KLF. Sort of. Desperation or blind faith, you choose
Music I Farted Out
Our esteemed columnist wonders why it is he isn’t more famous, musically speaking. We whistle, scuff the dirt and look in the other direction
I Bought A Drum Machine
Spread some festive cheer we said. “I’ve bought a drum machine,” he said
Hegemony Of Beige
LISTS, LISTS and more LISTS. We’re drawing mighty close to that time of year. But our Fats has had enough already. He will 1) Not make any lists this year 2) Or maybe he will… 3) What? Oh…
Golden Fields Of Vegan Wheat
Oh, the folly of the rich and famous. Imagine if our lot got on a Morrissey I-can-write-a-novel kick… we stare off into the distance all wistful, like, and imagine such things…
No More Nails
Our resident columnist is back from his stint at the Edinburgh Festival. We reckon you ought to be seeing him on ‘Mock The Week’ any day now. In the meantime, he’s demanding a pay rise and going on about Aphex Twin again
Tesco Value Headphones
Our potentially award-winning columnist is not easily impressed. He is, in fact, easily unimpressed. Ask him about DJs these days. Go on, ask him and see what happens. And yes, that is prune juice on his cardigan