Handy with a Pickaxe

Our esteemed columnist eats too much cheese before bed (again) and lucky for us he writes down all his dreams. This is the only one we can print without having him arrested…

Our resident columnist Fat Roland remembers the time he met one of the guys from Orbital, his all-time favourite band. Except he doesn't actually remember it because his brain was full of drugs, absinthe and, er, farm animals

When our so-called columnist gets ideas above his station, we hang him upside down in the stationery cupboard for a bit. We forgot we’d put him there this month. He went a bit odd, can you spot the difference?