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Men in White Coats

Hang on… we’re just calling the men in white coats. Our esteemed columnist needs his injection and that nice coat with the sleeves round the back. “Hello? Yes, ambulance again please, and hurry…”
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Cattle

There would come a day, inevitably, when our so-called columnist would tip himself over the edge. That day has come, he has finally lost it and what broke him? Cattle. CATTLE!
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Music I Farted Out

Our esteemed columnist wonders why it is he isn’t more famous, musically speaking. We whistle, scuff the dirt and look in the other direction
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Attack, Decay, Sustain, Release

Say there was someone, and He (or she) was sending us weird rambling emails And despite asking, he (or she) wouldn’t stop. We should call the police, Right? Anyway, here’s whatshisface