The United States of America

We really do try to keep him away from the “special” water. In this issue, the truth about bestselling albums. we are sorry

Hang on… we’re just calling the men in white coats. Our esteemed columnist needs his injection and that nice coat with the sleeves round the back. “Hello? Yes, ambulance again please, and hurry…”

There would come a day, inevitably, when our so-called columnist would tip himself over the edge. That day has come, he has finally lost it and what broke him? Cattle. CATTLE!

He turns up each month waving paper with words on insisting he’s a columnist. We think he might be lost.