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Twiglet fingers

The intro goes here, it runs over three lines and should gently undermine the confidence of our columnist… what? We’ve not written an intro? gah
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Loyal Readers

This month, our regular columnist has locked himself away in the stationery cupboard with a huge pile of letters from readers…
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Walrus Bum

Catching him in a reflective mood, which is usually just after the nurse has visited, our columnist has another hair-brained theory he’d like to share