Clowns in a Blender

Do not, under any circumtances, feed our mildly dangerous columnist magic mushrooms. He can’t even take regular ones without getting off his nut. People, run for your lives, no one is safe…

When our so-called columnist gets ideas above his station, we hang him upside down in the stationery cupboard for a bit. We forgot we’d put him there this month. He went a bit odd, can you spot the difference?

“Who’s in the magazine this month so I can write about them?” “It’s Delia Derbyshire,” we said. What could possibly go wrong…

A waste of space? Sure, but our errant columnist came in pretty handy when we wanted someone to look after the office hamster while we were on our holidays…

“I know all about theremins," he said. [Editor reads copy, rolls eyes]

The intro goes here, it runs over three lines and should gently undermine the confidence of our columnist… what? We’ve not written an intro? gah