Space For 1999?

High on powdered chocolate, again, our resident columnist Fat Roland attempts to explain why florists called Clint are essential for synth construction…

Welcome to the the official sports pages of electronic music. Going where no man has gone before, eh? If he’s not careful our unhinged columnist will be queuing up where lots of people have been before – the dole office

Our potentially award-winning columnist is not easily impressed. He is, in fact, easily unimpressed. Ask him about DJs these days. Go on, ask him and see what happens. And yes, that is prune juice on his cardigan

Spread some festive cheer we said. “I’ve bought a drum machine,” he said