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Weird Contact Lenses

Peering down the corridors of power, our intrepid correspondent is the one with his ear pressed up against that door at the end. On the other side, someone is shouting about The Prodigy…
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Men in White Coats

Hang on… we’re just calling the men in white coats. Our esteemed columnist needs his injection and that nice coat with the sleeves round the back. “Hello? Yes, ambulance again please, and hurry…”
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Amoeba blobby thing

When our so-called columnist gets ideas above his station, we hang him upside down in the stationery cupboard for a bit. We forgot we’d put him there this month. He went a bit odd, can you spot the difference?
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12-Chinned Janet

We would like to apologise to Fatboy Slim, Christopher Walken, 12-Chinned Janet, the entire population of Hull, and funk soul brothers everywhere