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12-Chinned Janet
We would like to apologise to Fatboy Slim, Christopher Walken, 12-Chinned Janet, the entire population of Hull, and funk soul brothers everywhere
Cattle
There would come a day, inevitably, when our so-called columnist would tip himself over the edge. That day has come, he has finally lost it and what broke him?
Cattle. CATTLE!
The United States of America
Big place, America. So big that if our so-called columnist ever visited he could easily get lost
Acid House
He turns up each month waving paper with words on insisting he’s a columnist. We think he might be lost.
Twiglet fingers
The intro goes here, it runs over three lines and should gently undermine the confidence of our columnist… what? We’ve not written an intro? gah
Basingstoke. Kraftwerk. Karaoke slam.
Our so-called “columnist” with a pile of words in some kind of order. His column feels like that day your parents moved house and didn’t think to mention it. Eh? Not happened to you? Just us then…