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12-Chinned Janet

We would like to apologise to Fatboy Slim, Christopher Walken, 12-Chinned Janet, the entire population of Hull, and funk soul brothers everywhere
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Cattle

There would come a day, inevitably, when our so-called columnist would tip himself over the edge. That day has come, he has finally lost it and what broke him? Cattle. CATTLE!
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Acid House

He turns up each month waving paper with words on insisting he’s a columnist. We think he might be lost.
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Twiglet fingers

The intro goes here, it runs over three lines and should gently undermine the confidence of our columnist… what? We’ve not written an intro? gah
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Basingstoke. Kraftwerk. Karaoke slam.

Our so-called “columnist” with a pile of words in some kind of order. His column feels like that day your parents moved house and didn’t think to mention it. Eh? Not happened to you? Just us then…